Yes, it has been a long time coming since I have posted in the Hacking the Brain series. I have covered in previous HTB segments topics about Networking with others, Gratitude and Being Thankful, which changes your views a bit and a video about a great person that was born without legs or arms and making it in our great world.
Well, I was taking a shower and wondering after pushing different psychology topics here and there (I am not a psychologist, but I love to analyze behaviors and lifestyles) and came across one that might really make the lives of many better. It is our common take on how we communicate with others in life, rather the setting is your job or personal life.
Two topics that we can respectfully fit in this frame: Social communication and Congruency:
First, we will discuss social communication. Let’s think of a hypothetical situation, where you are at a job or a social situation where you are just not meshing with people at all. You will notice that some people will be friendly, but most will not attempt to approach you.
You think and stir for a minute, almost pacing, wondering why people will not walk right over to you and talk to you.
1. Your Mood/Tude: How are you feeling right now? Are you bummed out or not feeling happy? It could be that your attitude is giving off a look of anger or negativity and just some people happen to be repelled away from you due to this.
2. Your Dress/How you hold yourself: No, you seriously do not have to exactly dress like everybody else. But believe it or not, how you dress communicates and screams louder than what any kind words or salutation could ever say from your voice. Take this into account when going to a new job or a social event. Realize that a shirt and sweatpants or jeans and a t shirt might not be appropriate. For a job, I would just scope out the workplace and see how everybody holds themself and what everybody dresses. Take that mental snapshot and try to gear your wardrobe or dress style somewhat similar to theirs without really copying them.
May this contradict in a way one of my philosophies on “Building your identity and may the masses follow.” This is not about your internet marketing career or building your startup. If you have a job and/or looking to go network and socialize, this is a different ball game. If you have to work with other people, most of them only flock with birds of the same feather if you get the old cliche.
Now this may be different, let’s say if you have an authority on culture or some status level. Look at Steve Jobs from Apple. Steve can wear his black shirt and Levis jeans and not give a shit. People will flock to him, because he is cool and he has made status and authority for being a founder of Apple and also to bringing back Apple from the brink of disaster. When you have done something cool and kickass, it is about them following and being cool to you. Otherwise, you have to “play it safe” and kinda mesh with others in order to have a great and optimal work/social experience.
3. Your Body Language: Your mind and body heavily reflect your communication in more ways than your voice ever will. If you should notice, that having great posture and positive body language is not only a positive for yourself, but a positive for when you are trying to get a point across or just having simple conversation with one another.
The other part: Congruence.
Congruency is a math term that I have learned many a year ago and the word’s meanings deal with relation, compatibility and consistency between to algebraic objects. In the world of psychology, it takes in a similar respect.
For one, it takes a definition on the self, a person who is consistent with all levels of communication.
Does the clothes match the attitude, voice and body language? Your Personality contains way more than your voice. Your convo and tonality of your voice doesn’t totally describe who you are. It is everything else. If something seems out of place, people will often be confused and not know what to do or feel alienated in speaking to you. Of course some people will be charmed by your outgoing personality, but if your body language and dress do not match along, they might be a bit hesitant to talk.
Next, a definition of interpersonal communication. Are the two people compatible and could relate to each other in certain aspects? For example:
Do they like the same things?
Do they happen to work in the same field?
Do they like the same sports team?
Do they like the same cuisine?
I could go all day with different scenarios, but you get the gist of what I am explaining. It’s all about relating with people on levels of different qualities. It could be a matter of making your social and work experiences in the road ahead more easier for you to live with.
So, Remember before you head out to your job or that night out in town, have your communication and congruency in check!!!
Another, LONG AWAITED Hacking the Brain segement from Thomas Howell!
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